


The Cockblocking Moose

by pherryt



Series: Invisible Wings [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blackmail, Bunker Fic, Cockblocking Sam, F/M, Frustrated Dean, Frustrated Sam, M/M, Sam has a plan, sam finally gets his revenge, sam lays down some rules, this time it's Dean who's scarred for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 07:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10849197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: or how Sam finally gets his revenge on Dean and Cas for scarring him for life again and again.





	The Cockblocking Moose

**Author's Note:**

> Too many times does Sam get 'scarred for life' by walking in on Dean and Cas. It's not that I WANT To do that to Sam, but it makes for a funny ending, usually.
> 
> Sam needed his revenge. I'm not entirely sure this counts because i'm TRULY TERRIBLE at the revenge business (I would _not_ make a good Dread Pirate Roberts) but here's my attempt.
> 
> and as i wrote this, i realized that several of these stories all fit together (and that there's one more that i want to write that will take place between Heal Thy Wings and the Angel's New Clothes). 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it! This was supposed to be a quick little drabble that kinda got away from me.

Dean had loved Cas for forever, but no one was more surprised than him when he’d realized Cas loved him back.

Literally.

Apparently, everyone else around them were already aware. Sam had thrown his hands up in the air and just yelled “Finally! Thank Chuck!” and Jody and Donna (and others, apparently) had all exchanged cash. What the fuck? The sheriffs had never even _met_ Cas before, how the fuck did they think they could start betting on his love life? Claire had just rolled her eyes, stared at Dean and said, “Don’t fuck it up, doofus.”

One of the best parts about Cas, of course, was that he had absolutely no hang ups about being in a relationship with a guy - “God is indifferent to orientation, Dean” -  and even less about sex. If they enjoyed it, they did it.

And they did.

Wherever, whenever the mood struck them – as long as they were in the privacy of the bunker (Dean, himself, might still have a few hang-ups about being affectionate with men in public. But this was _Cas._ Dean was working on it).

So in public, Dean was having trouble just holding hands with the love of his life – he’d managed it twice on the last case and had felt stupidly giddy – but at the bunker, everything was open season. Though Sam had never known that Dean was bi, Dean didn’t feel it necessary to actually _hide_ it from Sam.

And after 30 years or so of living out of crappy motels and having to share his space with his brother, it just didn’t occur to Dean that anything had changed. He had no shame in parading around half naked or all naked around his brother. They’d had to make do for years and things happened. Injuries that required one or the others help. Bringing ‘home’ one night stands while the other slept in the other bed. It was just a fact of their life.

There was never any privacy.

Which meant that with Dean’s conditioned and learned behavior around Sam and Cas’s lack of inhibitions, Sam kept walking in on them fucking just about everywhere in the bunker except for –

Scratch that. Even the dungeon (the garage, of course, had been one of the first casualties and the Impala specifically was apparently a favorite of theirs). _Fuck my life,_ Sam thought as he walked away.

They were _supposed_ to be cataloguing what was in every room, not having sex on every surface they could find. Sam couldn’t take it anymore! Something had to be done.

A plan started to form and Sam grinned.

Oh yeah, that would definitely teach Dean to be a little more circumspect than he’d been.

Pulling out his phone, Sam made his plans.

__

Dean still couldn’t believe his luck. He gazed at Cas over coffee with what he’d once heard Sam call ‘heart eyes’. Cas beamed back – _beamed! His_ angel, _beaming!_ How was this their life? How had they gotten here?

He supposed, in all honesty, he should thank Lily Sunders for being the catalyst that made them talk, to open up, to realize that the feelings were not only mutual, but _could_ be acted upon.

Somewhere in that train of thought, Dean had shifted closer. Castiel blinked as a foot ran up his leg. He swallowed down his coffee, set the mug down and promptly climbed into Dean’s lap.

Tongues down each others throats, Cas’s hands sliding up inside Dean’s shirt tweaking his nipples, causing Dean to gasp even as Dean’s hands were busy fumbling at the button of Cas’s jeans – sadly, not _those_ jeans – Cas groaning needily, music to Dean’s ears - 

“Whoa there fellas, hands where I can see ‘em!” Jody’s voice was like instant ice water as Dean scrambled up, dumping Cas unceremoniously on the floor. He winced and flushed, helping the surprised angel up off the floor.

“Jody! Uh, what a surprise! What are you doing here?” Dean’s voice squeaked. He brushed Cas down, straightening what few clothes he was wearing and whispering, “I’m sorry, babe.” A feather brushed along Dean’s face, unseen by their guest but it made Dean shiver and close his eyes.

“Sam invited me.” Jody walked past them and straight for the coffee pot, “This fresh? I could really use a cup.”

“He uh, he did huh?”

“What, not happy to see me? You get to crash at my place whenever you want, I don’t get to return the favor?” she cocked an eyebrow at Dean and he fidgeted.

“Uh, no, no, you’re always welcome Jody. Anytime. So uh…did you come by yourself?” Dean slid down into his seat, Cas picking up their mugs and heading to join Jody at the coffee pot.

“Oh, no, of course not. Got the whole kit and caboodle with me,” she set about looking through the cabinets for the supplies for a fresh pot, Cas reaching over her head and handing things down to her without a word, including a clean mug. “Thank you, Castiel.”

“You’re welcome,” he rumbled out and Dean banged his head on the table with a strangled whimper.

“You okay there, Deano?” a very cheery and bubbly voice called from the door.  Without lifting his head, Dean shifted to look over at the effusive Donna, clad in – yes, they were Hello Kitty pajamas. And somewhere in the bunker there were also two teenagers – Claire and Alex.

Dean’s safe space was no longer _his._

Not that he wasn’t happy to see them all. But he would be unable to stand up from the table anytime soon as he waited for his arousal to cool off.

Within moments, as his ardor died down and the kitchen became a busy hub of chattering friends – Sam, Claire and Alex finally having crawled out of the woodwork to join them – Dean even enjoyed the visit.

Getting up, Jody and Dean joined forces to make everyone breakfast. Their visit certainly explained why Sam had gone overboard at the grocery store the day before. Dean smiled. This was nice, even if he missed out on having sex with Cas this morning. It wasn’t like that was all there was to their relationship anyway.

Dean was beyond frustrated three days later when all four of his visitors were still there.

Even the relative safety of their own room wasn’t ‘safe’. It was hard to keep quiet and it sure as fuck embarrassed Dean in ways that having Sam hear them never had. Just thinking that _any_ of the four could hear him and Cas going at it caused Dean to shudder in horror.

Jody was like a mom to him, despite his real mom having come back, and Alex and Claire were _kids_ (“Dean, they’re old enough to have sex if they want to. They’re not children that need to be protected from its existence.” “Shut up, Cas. We’re just… _not_ going there.”), never mind the extra baggage with Claire being the daughter of Cas’s vessel.

And Donna – well, actually, now that he thought about it, Donna was okay. She was a buddy. They commiserated over how her ex had treated her, they had similar appetites and she was kick ass. But she also had this weird innocence to her that you didn’t normally see in full grown adults, much less Sheriffs or Hunters. Not naivety, just…pure, somehow.

Like Garth, now that he thought about it.

Which meant that it felt wrong to do anything with her around too.

Any time Dean and Cas managed to find what they thought was a secluded part of the bunker, far from any of their visitors, one of them would invariably walk in, ‘exploring’ supposedly.

Exploring, his ass. Wait, no. Only Cas.

Oh fuck, he was horny.

He whimpered.

When a week later they all went home, Dean breathed a sigh of relief. As soon as the bunker door shut behind them, Cas was on him.

“Oh, come _on!”_ Sam cried out from the top of the stairs. “At least keep it to your own fucking room!”

Dean broke his lips away from Cas’s to turn and glare up at his brother. Cas, undeterred, attached his lonely lips to Dean’s neck, causing him to shudder and his eyes flutter as he tried to yell back up to his brother. His voice wavered and stuttered, but he managed to gasp out, “We haven’t had sex in a week, Sam. A week! So thanks for that!”

Sam grabbed the railing and leaned over it to glare down at the two of them. “I don’t care how much sex you guys have. I’m tired of _seeing_ it. I’m tired of walking in on you in the common areas, the public spaces, the shared rooms,” Sam spit out. “I need a safe space. This bunker isn’t just yours. And until I can drill that into your head, I will keep inviting every person we’ve ever known for a visit.”

“You wouldn’t!” Dean said, horrified.

“Try me!” Sam retorted. “Cas! For the love of - ! Will you stop already? Look what you’ve done to him, Dean! You corrupted an Angel of the Lord!”

“Wait, why are you blaming _me_ for this?” Dean protested.

“Because Cas was _never_ like this before. You were, Dean,” Sam pushed away from the railing and came down the stairs, pulling a protesting angel away from his brother.

“That is actually not true,” Cas growled. “Your brother has not ‘corrupted’ me. I am just not inhibited by the social hang ups and judgmental mores of humanity. There is nothing wrong with love or the expressions thereof.”

“But you weren’t like this before! Cas, you were so innocent!” Sam’s expression nearly made Dean laugh.

“Sam, I’m a celestial being. I’ve existed for longer than human history. I’m a warrior. I have seen and done things that have long since stripped away my ‘innocence’.” Dean stared at the space behind Cas. If only Sam could see how fucking cool Cas looked when his wings mantled like that.

“But…you were always so oblivious to…to the flirting and to…to…” Sam floundered.

Sighing, Cas looked at Sam with sad eyes, one dark wing reaching out to slide reassuringly along Dean’s naked arm. “It is more comfortable for humans to believe that their flirting is falling on deaf ears than to think they are being actively rejected. And I once erroneously believed that a relationship with a human such as I wanted was not only _not_ possible, but fraught with peril as it would have been against one of the oldest Laws of Heaven.”

“Wait, you were playing hard to get?” Sam asked disbelievingly.

“No.” Cas said flatly, his wings rustling behind him irritatingly. Dean reached out to pet them soothingly and they settled down.

“But you just said…”

“I wasn’t _playing_ anything, Sam,” Cas stated.

“Look, leave him alone. I didn’t corrupt him and that’s all we gotta say about that. Now, you’ve been cockblocking us for a week, so leave us _both_ alone,” Dean grumped.

Sam jumped back on track, “Yes, well, I want _you_ to leave me _out_ of your bedroom games and actually restrict yourselves _to_ your bedroom.”

“What, you tryin’ to say I should go back in the closet?” Dean’s eyes narrowed.

“No! I’m saying don’t fuck in public!” Sam threw his hands up in the air.

“The bunker isn’t public,” Cas pointed out.

“It’s also not private!” Sam yelled. “Why do I have to spell this out for you? Neither of you are dumb!”

“I’m through hiding, Sam,” Dean frowned at his brother.

“That’s not what this is about,” Sam hissed.

The brothers glared at each other until finally Sam spun on his heels and stalked away, mumbling to himself.

The minute he was out of sight, Dean groaned at the onslaught of Cas’s tongue. He was definitely on board for this.  Cas’s hands pulled Dean’s shirt off, his lips sliding down Dean’s throat, along his chest, tonguing at his nipple, causing the most delicious moan from Dean.

That’s when they heard the snap of a camera.

They froze.

There was more snapping and when they slowly turned around, Sam was there, with a camera phone in hand and another propped up on the map table.

“Sam…what are you doing?” Dean asked slowly.

“Well, since you don’t seem to care who sees, I thought I’d capture a few mementos for our friends. Some snapshots – “ he lifted the phone in his hand, then pointed down at the one propped on the table, where the recording light was on, “and a video or two. I was thinking, I might be able to sell the video to a porn blog, make some honest money for once, so why don’t you guys just keep going? Don’t mind me, pretend I’m not even here. You know, business as usual.”

Cas shrugged. It wasn’t like he actually cared, after all, but Dean…

“No way!” he yelped, frantically searching for wherever Cas had tossed his shirt. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Oh, I would dare. Try me.” Sam glared at Dean. “And don’t think that as long as I’ve left the room, you can start up again, because I’ve added security cameras around the entire bunker. Only the bathrooms and the bedrooms are camera free. And all the feeds? They go directly to a server that I can access from any computer so I have complete control of what gets saved and who sees what.”

“The fuck!? Sam! Why would you _do_ that?” Dean found his shirt and yanked it over his head.

“Well, to be perfectly honest, Dean, I put up the security system because of the British MOL. After all, we don’t exactly get along with them and they _do_ have a key to get in. And it’s not like we can run down to Home Depot and change the locks.”

Dean paused and looked considering as he processed Sam’s words, “Okay, fair enough. But what about…” he gestured vaguely at the phones now holding photographic evidence of his and Cas’s relationship.

“Oh, if you want them for your photo album, I’ll send them along. I think I got a few good ones, here,” Sam chortled.

“That’s not what I mean,” Dean said.

“I know. And I’m keeping them. And I’m going to make backups of them. And if you don’t respect my wishes and keep your sexy times to the bedroom, then I’ll use them as blackmail. I’ve already got a draft saved just for mom…”

Dean whimpered and Cas’s wings reached out to run soothingly along his back. Sam didn’t react to the movement, as per usual. They’d already established early on that only Dean could see Cas’s wings, now that they’d returned.

Sam’s face softened “Dean, I’m not saying you have to curtail your affection.  Go ahead and cuddle on the couch when you watch movies – “

“I don’t cuddle!”

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, dude,” Sam’s eyes rolled. “So cuddle on the couch, hold hands whenever you want, play goddamn footsie under the table as long as you don’t involve my feet ever again – “

“Hey, not my fault you have gigantor legs,” Dean grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Shooting him a bitch face, Sam continued “ – I don’t care how affectionate you are. What I’m constraining is naked times and/or sex – and by sex, I mean anything that you do that causes one or both of you to achieve an orgasm. If things start getting heavy, move your ass to your bed.”

Dean flinched at Sam’s blunt language but couldn’t fault him for trying to spell out his conditions as clearly as possible.

“Do you think both of you can live with that? For my sanity, please?” Sam pleaded.

With a sigh, Dean looked over at Cas and Cas looked over at him. Something passed between them that Sam couldn’t identify but finally, they both nodded, though it was grumpy and reluctant.

And when, a month later, Dean walked in on Sam and Eileen on the couch and screamed, Sam startled, fell of the couch buck naked and winced. He squeaked and covered himself with his hands as best as he could, turning bright red.

After a moment of concern for Sam falling, then following his line of sight to his gaping brother, Eileen rolled her eyes and just pulled the blanket down off the back of the couch and covered herself unconcernedly.

Breakfast, that morning, was a little awkward.

Dean was fuming about the hypocrisy of it all, even as Cas tried to sooth him and Sam tried to apologize, “I’m sorry guys! I literally, we were just kissing and one thing led to another and I forgot where we were!”

“Yeah, sure Sam, you keep telling yourself that,” Dean said suspiciously. He turned and looked at Eileen sweetly, “Welcome to the family, here are the ground rules for the bunker…”

Sam groaned and his head thunked on the table.

_On the bright side,_ he thought, _no matter how unintentional it was, at least I finally gave Dean a taste of his own medicine. Now maybe the jerk will be more understanding of where I was coming from._

_Meh, it’s Dean. Not very likely. Good thing I still have all that blackmail._

Eileen’s hand crept into his as she ‘listened’ to Dean explain all of Sam’s bunker rules and Sam turned his head to look at her and smile, taking in the bemused expression on her face.

She didn’t even blink in the eye of crazy.

She was perfect.


End file.
